


The Seer's Conundrum

by ArielBowden



Category: Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-03
Updated: 2020-11-03
Packaged: 2021-03-08 20:41:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,327
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27372844
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ArielBowden/pseuds/ArielBowden
Summary: Alice's visions aren't always a blessing, sometimes they are a curse.  Every time she decides to finally tell Bella how she really feels, Bella's future disappears.  Will she find a way to be with the woman she loves, or will Alice choose another fate?
Relationships: Alice Cullen & Bella Swan
Kudos: 12





	The Seer's Conundrum

_"Please, Alice," she whispered fervently, her voice heavy with emotion. "Why won't you tell me what's bothering you?"_

_I blinked against the venom tears welling up in my eyes, turning away from my best friend in an attempt to hide from the inevitable. I shouldn't have come to her tonight, not with how I was feeling. My heart was so vulnerable, my emotions flayed open for all to see. Add to that the fact that I hadn't fed in days and I really shouldn't fucking be here._

_"Alice, talk to me!" the girl whisper-shouted, trying to keep her voice quiet so she didn't wake up her dad a few rooms over. She had woken moments ago, some instinctual response to the presence of a predator leaning over her. She just smelled so wonderful, I couldn't resist bringing my nose to her bared neck and inhaling her intoxicating scent._

_"You wouldn't understand, Bella," I eventually answered, my voice quiet but harsh with repressed emotions. "You never understand!"_

_Bella's warm hands took mine into hers and I couldn't hold back the shudder than ran through me at the feel of her addictive warmth. "You've never tried to make me understand, Alice. Please, I don't like seeing you hurting like this."_

_Oh, Bella, you sweet, darling little human. Why can't she see just how precious she is, how terrifyingly innocent she was compared to my family and I. "I've seen it play out so many times, Bella," I replied, my voice firming under my wavering resolve. "Just trust me when I say it's better this way."_

_I tried to pull my hand away as gently as I could, but she held tight even as my strength moved her from her place at my side until she was practically in my lap. She blinked owlishly up at me as she braced her hands on my shoulders, and all of a sudden she was too close, too warm, her lips too sweet._

_I was kissing her. Or was she kissing me? I couldn't tell who moved but suddenly our lips were pressed together and my tongue was licking a path across her lower lip, groaning at finally experiencing the feel of her velvet-soft lips on mine. I had imaged it so often, watched it play out a thousand different ways, but it was nothing compared to actually feeling it for myself._

_A quiet whimper from the girl was all the encouragement I needed as I took her by the shoulders and turned us until I had her pressed back against her mattress. She was so damn soft, so damn **warm** that just laying against her was enough to ignite a fire inside of me that not even her blood could quench. _

_I finally split the seam of her lips with my tongue and plundered her mouth for my own. She tasted so damn good, like what I imagine honey and chocolate and so much decadence to taste like. And she was so very responsive, her body arching up against my smaller, colder figure pressing down gently over her._

_With her fingers lost in my short-cropped hair, my own hands began to trail down the side of her neck, over a delicate collarbones, across the gentle swell of the tops of her breasts. The small strappy camisole she wore to bed tonight was such a tease that I ached to remove it, but I knew I had to take this slowly. I not only didn't want to spook the girl, but I wanted to savor every second with her._

_The moment our tongues touched, an unhinged groan slipped from the brunette, her warm mouth welcoming me as I slipped my hands down to her waist before trailing them up her stomach beneath the cami. Every inch of her was so warm, so soft, and even as her abdomen muscles quivered beneath my touch, I knew she was just as eager for my touch as I was for hers._

_I pulled away only briefly, slowly lifting the top up and, with only a slight hesitation from Bella, she let me remove it completely. Gods, I knew my eyes had to be pitch black right now but I have honestly never seen a more desirable sight than the girl lying prone and bare before me. Unable to resist, I leaned down and drew my tongue across one of the pink tips, watching as it puckered and stiffened. Grinning up at the panting human, I drew the girl's nipple into my mouth and suckled gently, drawing a whimpering moan from her._

_She left one hand in my hair to pull and guide me while the other got lost down my back, her nails scratching as she gathered what she could reach of the white tank-top I'd worn and began pulling it, her intent obvious though I planned to make her work for it while I enjoyed my new playground._

_She groaned when I switched to her other breast, my hand coming up to palm the one I'd just abandoned. My lips and fingers worshipped her breasts like the absolute treasures they were, and after a moment of struggling she'd gathered enough of the material in her hand to begin pulling it over my head. I regretfully abandoned my new favorite oral fixations long enough to toss the shirt to the side, smiling as her heated gaze traced over my smaller but still perky breasts now on display._

_She brought her hands up and almost reverently began to trace my sensitive peaks, her fingers quickly converging on my erect nipples. She didn't waste any time, her fingers gripping and pinching oh-so-deliciously, her warm fingers searing me with her desire. Gods, I had never known a touch as beautiful as hers, and it was everything I had ever thought it would be and more._

_Unable to hold back, I leaned back down to capture her lips in a fierce kiss that left the girl gasping against my mouth when I pulled back. I purposefully dragged our breasts together, my unnecessary breath panting out of me at the almost painful arousal searing a path straight to my groin._

_"Alice!" Bella panted out, her voice harsh even as she fought to keep her volume down. The smell of her arousal was filling the room with its delicious tang, and for once it was all for me! It had always tortured me when I'd scented the girl's need in our house, knowing it wasn't caused by me. Edward had been such a bastard to rub his relationship with the girl in our faces, knowing how I felt the moment I'd laid eyes on Bella._

_Needing to feel more, I drew away only long enough to remove the girl's sleep shorts and panties, releasing a near-feral growl as the evidence of her arousal was bared to my hungry gaze. She'd shaved, and now those bare lips glistened with her need that **I** had caused! She wanted **me** , she craved **my** touch! _

_"Bella," I whispered reverently, my palms tracing a path up each of her thighs as I gazed down into her lust-blow eyes. "Say you'll be mine. Let me make love to you, please." I knew she loved me, I had always known it, but this was the first time I was brave enough to bring it out into the open and I wanted her to know just how badly I wanted her. But she also needed to know that I **needed** her, in every single way imaginable. _

_She didn't respond right away, her gaze clearing only momentarily as she took in what was happening around her. I didn't want her to go into this and regret it later, nor did I want her to think I had somehow influenced her with my vampiric glamor. She needed to know she had a choice, and in this very moment she could say **no**. _

_Her gaze darkened and her hands gripped my shoulders, pulling me to her rather than pushing me away. She wants me! She wants **me**! I wanted to shout out my joy to the heavens, but I would settle for making sure she called out to the heavens on the tip of my tongue. _

_With my destination in mind, I leaned down to her creamy pale thighs and began leaving a trail of kisses up towards her flowering center. Her scent was so overwhelming here at the source, so much that I felt my mouth flooding with venom as I prepared to take what was rightfully mine. Swallowing back my venom, I leaned in and gave her a slow, languid lick through glistening folds._

_Her gasp was loud and unhinged as she arched her back. Her hand came up to cover her mouth as my tongue returned for a repeat trip through her wetness, my own groan mirroring the whimpering moan that left her lips. Gods, this must be what ambrosia tastes like, because I know nothing of my earthly senses to compare her nectar to. She was sweet, with a hint of tartness that settled pleasantly on the back of my tongue, and I just couldn't hold back any longer._

_I forced my tongue deep between her lips, drinking in her abundant juices while teasing her clit with every upward swipe. She was writhing back and forth, her hips canting up into my greedy lips as I continued to worship her needy sex. She was so responsive, so beautiful in her need, and I was on the brink of nirvana from just the taste of her pleasure._

_Moving down further, I spread her flowering lips with my thumbs and happily inserted my tongue deep into her weeping core, earning a high-pitched whine that shot pleasurable heat down my spine and to my own neglected core. Not willing to let up on pleasuring her, I moved one of my thumbs to her clit and began rubbing tight circles around the pulsating nub, my tongue exploring every inch of her wetness._

_I could feel her inner muscles pulsing around my tongue, and I was certain her end was near. Sadly, I didn't think I could draw it out further, so I removed my tongue from inside of her and returned to her clit, lashing it feverishly while allowing a finger to slowly slip into her waiting core. She was so tight, my finger caressing her inner muscles as she keened loudly while her pleasure mounted._

_I paused only when my finger hit her barrier, and I had to swallow my fear and trepidation. Bella whimpered when I stopped moving, her gaze meeting mine as I teased the thin layer of flesh in question. Still panting, she nodded her head quickly, whimpering as she arched her hips forward, telling me it was more than okay with her._

_I was in awe of the girl, and so damned in love with her it almost hurt, but I stayed the course and began teasing her clit with my tongue while working my finger slowly back out of her. With a gentle yet powerful motion, I pushed into her, breaking through her hymen while I suckled her clit into my mouth and torturing it fast with my tongue. She whimpered at the slight pain, and I stilled my finger inside of her until I was sure the pain had passed._

_When she began thrusting her hips harder against my face, I knew it was time. I began forcing my finger deeper into her, slowly working in a second finger while curling them up, trying to catch her spot. I barely had time to grab a pillow and thrust it into Bella's face before she came undone, her body arching so high off the bed that only her shoulders were touching the mattress, her screams of pleasure muffled by the pillow she clutched to her face._

_I couldn't stop myself. I could feel her body clenching rhythmically around my fingers and the pure joy of experiencing her orgasm at the tip of my tongue was too much. Removing my mouth from her clit, I sank my teeth into her thigh, the delectable taste of her blood pouring into my mouth, my throat burning like never before as I began to drain the life from the girl beneath me._

_Then everything went black._

I gasped as I pulled out of vision, unshed tears welling up into my eyes. This was the hundredth time I'd decided to tell Bella how I feel, and it was the hundredth vision that ended with Bella's death. No matter what kind of scenario I tried to plan out, Bella's future disappeared if I told her about my feelings for her. Even if we didn't wind up making love, I always fought with the urge to claim her and make her mine. 

I was a jealous and selfish woman. Bella was mine, she was _my mate_ , but every time I even thought about laying claim to her, either my visions would end with her death, or Edward would catch wind of my thoughts and remind me of the numerous visions I had had of said death. He was a manipulative prick who was trying to claim _my_ Bella, but what choice did I have really, when every scenario ended with Bella's future going dark? 

"You can't tell her," came a voice from behind me, and I simply clutched harder to my pillow as I tried to silence my sobs. "I won't let you endanger her life, and neither will you. So why do you keep torturing yourself like this?"

I choked on my next sob, turning my teary gaze to the boy standing in my doorway. "You can't have Bella's blood, but you still stay around her. Why do you keep torturing yourself like this?" I shot back. 

His glare was petulant as expected. " _I_ love Bella. I would never do anything to harm her." 

"Oh really," I replied sarcastically, sneering at my 'brother.' "Is that why you can't so much as touch her without feeling the drive to drain her dry? It's not _her_ you love, it's her blood, and we both know it."

His growl was low but angry and I simply hissed back at him. I was sick of pretending I was okay with him 'courting' my mate. The only reason I'd let it go on this long was because Bella honestly seemed happy. Despite the dangers we had put her in, she still loved our family as her own. Even that disaster of a birthday hadn't deterred her from continuing to be around us, and if it hadn't been for our family voting against Edward's brilliant plan of leaving Forks 'for Bella's own good,' I might very well have never seen the girl again.

I wanted so badly to tell Bella how I feel about her. From the moment I first saw her in my visions leading up to her first day of school, I knew she was special. I didn't quite know just _how_ special she would be until I first got to spend time with her. She was always so shy and reserved, but the moment our eyes connected for the first time I just _knew_. The fact that my mate was human had never been an issue for me, but the fact that my visions of her began going dark forced me to keep my love for her platonic. 

Then Edward had swooped in and charmed the girl before I'd had a chance to even consider wooing her. Hell, I didn't even know if Bella was interested in girls like that. I sure as hell never knew I was until she came along, so I guess mates are exempt from the awkwardness of problematic sexual identification.

Now, here I was arguing the legitimacy of my claim with the family when I had no plans to actually claim her. For as long as my visions of her future go dark, I can never let myself go through with admitting my feelings to Bella. But Edward, just as selfish, _knew_ how much I loved her, knew that she was _my_ mate, but he still chose to pursue her. 

He also knew that he could never love her like I do, yet he still pretended, to himself and to the family, that what he felt for her was mate-bond-worthy. And his stupid, charming self had half-convinced at least Carlisle, who refused to intervene unless I actually make a claim on the girl myself. It was unfair! And allowing Edward to pursue my mate was downright unethical and plain dangerous! 

Every day he remained close to Bella was another chance that he might give in to his bloodlust and drain his singer. Every day I searched Bella's and Edward's futures to ensure that wouldn't happen, and I've had to intervene on several occasions when whatever was chosen would lead to him killing her. I had to watch my mate die again and again at Edward's hands and it broke me a little bit every time.

Edward visibly cringed at my thoughts, his scowl disappearing beneath a self-depreciating smile. "I...can't stay away from her, Alice. You know how hard it is. But of the two of us, I am a risk to her health. You are a guaranteed death-sentence. Surely it's better for her to live a life full of love than to die at your hands."

I felt part of my soul crack and wither away at his logical words. What point was there to my loving Bella if that love would always lead to her death. Shouldn't she deserve to be loved, regardless of who it may be, if she had the chance? I couldn't even admit my love to her without my instincts leading to her death.

Edward's hand came to rest on my shoulder in what I was sure was meant to be a comforting gesture, but it just felt as cold and empty as my heart in that moment. "I will always treasure her, and she will always know she is loved. That is all either of us could ever want for her." And with that, he left me there to my tortured thoughts as I sank beneath the avalanche of my grief. 

The realization of my own inability to be with my mate had truly broken my spirit. I think I had held out hope, hope that I might one day be able to find the right words and expressions of love that would lead to a future with Bella. But I was deluding myself. No matter how hard I tried, Bella's future went dark and I was the cause. 

I was destined to kill the woman I love.

**AN: So this was an idea I had where Alice tries to cope with being unable to confess her feelings for Bella without her future disappearing, and so Alice turns to her visions to vicariously live a relationship with the girl. And well, it went from a smut-centric fic to one of emotional drama that I didn't expect.**

**This is NOT meant to be a one-shot, but for now consider it up in the air as far as when I'll continue it. I just wanted to show yall one of the things I've been working on in the interim while trying to continue working on Once Mated. I have several stories I'm working on, actually, which are all pretty fun so far but like the bitch she is, my muse is refusing to do her damn JOB and helping me make the words GO.**

**So, just so yall know I'm still here and still writing. I'm on new antidepressants and they are helping a ton with motivation in my daily life, but not so much towards my writing motivation. In the meantime, be sure to follow me on twitter (link on my bio) and remember to like, fav, and review (they feed my soul, for real).**


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